Sunday, July 29, 2012
Lemonade Statement Sundays
Friday, July 27, 2012
Happy Olympics Day!!
While the logo is far from my favorite, I am excited that the Olympics is finally here! Now my only hope is that we actually get to see some action... I have a feeling if a royal walks in, it will be like Jack Nicholson at a Lakers game, very little game and a ton of Jack. Either way I can't wait to get a chance to watch the opening ceremonies and see some swimming and gymnastics! Oh and can't forget the crazy random sports like archery! Anyways happy world unification day! 
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Where Have I Been?... Changing Into Lemonade
Changes are all around. I used to be afraid of changes, but am learning they occur for the better. It is amazing what can still be learned even when you supposedly can not learn more. This past week I have been involved in an intense soul searching type exploration and have learned a ton about myself. It's scary to see yourself flawed when your a perfectionist like myself, but also good because it means you are human.
I have had horrible things happen to me and have always been thankful they have happened to me instead of the people I love. Unfortunately though I hid them away and never dealt with them. Well as you can guess, they have come back haunt me. The last two years brought not so amazing times and why I fought so hard to claim me back, I continued to find myself three steps back. Insert first important note: even though they may have a license it does not make the therapist counselor, etc an expert. Please take the time to interview and question professionals in the field. Half my battle came from confusing and bad advice.
I found that I was hurting all my friends because I would try open up and could not express myself and would end up closing up and being standoffish. Also extremely selfish and unyielding. I was not me. I used to pride myself on my flexibility and capability of handling problems. I highlight this because I have come to realize people like myself push away and if someone is reading this is and is like me, do not do it. If you need,take time to be with yourself. Your friends are only human and can not take on your stress. It is hard because you need hugs and support, but you will only succeed if you put the work in. So my new action item is ask a friend for a hug or some time to do something fun, but leave it as a fun memorable thing, not a daunting always sad thing. They know and care, but life is all consuming sometimes. If you really need that support then find one friend. My biggest mistake was having multiple people. It just added to confusion and I could never really open up anyways.
More importantly is finding the right help. I was lucky enough to have a recommendation and it has been amazing. If you are lost, look at non traditional ways. My program was a mix of traditional group/individual and bible. It worked for me because I also wanted to gain more insight into my faith. Overall my point is that change can not always just be you. Help is an important aspect too, but it is finding the right help.
So yes, changes are happening. Both big and small and I am nervous about disappointing, but have the faith I may have finally figured it out. I will never forget my pain and what happened, but I also can not let it rule the rest of my life. My only hope is to find full healing and renewal at some point. Rushing gets you no where that is for sure. I think I am on the right path and ready to tackle what's next, one step at a time!
I have had horrible things happen to me and have always been thankful they have happened to me instead of the people I love. Unfortunately though I hid them away and never dealt with them. Well as you can guess, they have come back haunt me. The last two years brought not so amazing times and why I fought so hard to claim me back, I continued to find myself three steps back. Insert first important note: even though they may have a license it does not make the therapist counselor, etc an expert. Please take the time to interview and question professionals in the field. Half my battle came from confusing and bad advice.
I found that I was hurting all my friends because I would try open up and could not express myself and would end up closing up and being standoffish. Also extremely selfish and unyielding. I was not me. I used to pride myself on my flexibility and capability of handling problems. I highlight this because I have come to realize people like myself push away and if someone is reading this is and is like me, do not do it. If you need,take time to be with yourself. Your friends are only human and can not take on your stress. It is hard because you need hugs and support, but you will only succeed if you put the work in. So my new action item is ask a friend for a hug or some time to do something fun, but leave it as a fun memorable thing, not a daunting always sad thing. They know and care, but life is all consuming sometimes. If you really need that support then find one friend. My biggest mistake was having multiple people. It just added to confusion and I could never really open up anyways.
More importantly is finding the right help. I was lucky enough to have a recommendation and it has been amazing. If you are lost, look at non traditional ways. My program was a mix of traditional group/individual and bible. It worked for me because I also wanted to gain more insight into my faith. Overall my point is that change can not always just be you. Help is an important aspect too, but it is finding the right help.
So yes, changes are happening. Both big and small and I am nervous about disappointing, but have the faith I may have finally figured it out. I will never forget my pain and what happened, but I also can not let it rule the rest of my life. My only hope is to find full healing and renewal at some point. Rushing gets you no where that is for sure. I think I am on the right path and ready to tackle what's next, one step at a time!
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Lemonade Sunday Statements
So many things can be said, but for now I am trusting in the sanctuary of my heart.
(Picture was found via Oprah.com's Happiness Project)
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Not Sure Title Blog
This title is still in flux, but with this newest section of my blog I hope to record the things I want to embrace more. I spend a lot of time being overwhelmed and insecure. Its hard to say I will instantly snap out and be normal, but one thing I can do is create a list of the things I want to embrace more of. The first is....
I want to embrace simple quiet time. When you are constantly questioning yourself it is hard to quiet the brain, BUT the only way to stop the constant babble is to just be quiet and focus on the positive of the day. Tonight for example I am sitting on my front porch reflecting on a question given to me through a pastoral thing I have been doing. It does not always have to be religious and really never has to be. But taking that break has helped me breathe so much more. So I am hoping to make it a nightly thing before bed. Go outside and breathe.
I want to embrace simple quiet time. When you are constantly questioning yourself it is hard to quiet the brain, BUT the only way to stop the constant babble is to just be quiet and focus on the positive of the day. Tonight for example I am sitting on my front porch reflecting on a question given to me through a pastoral thing I have been doing. It does not always have to be religious and really never has to be. But taking that break has helped me breathe so much more. So I am hoping to make it a nightly thing before bed. Go outside and breathe.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Lemonade Moment: DJ's Birthday
When was the last time you were actually excited about your birthday? You know that can't sleep the night before giddy with excitement type. For me it's been ages, but for individuals like DJ it happens every year. DJ has CP and because of it is unable to verbally communicate, but trust me that does not stop him from speaking volumes. I had the privilege of getting to celebrate his 17th birthday. To say the least I was instantly humbled.
Tearing through paper, ropes and bouncing balls were found. These simple items were accepted as if a lottery had been hit! Each card was also instantly analyzed and quick hugs given. Next came the cake with as many candles that could fit per the bday boys request. I am not going to lie, I shed a tear when he first saw the cake I had made and the clapping and huge grin that followed. He instantly pointed to his Oregon hat and then to the football themed cake. He could see my vision. My heart was touched. I wish words could describe the amazing birthday party better but I am at loss for them. It's a reminder of the simple things once again! Below are a few pictures from the party.
Tearing through paper, ropes and bouncing balls were found. These simple items were accepted as if a lottery had been hit! Each card was also instantly analyzed and quick hugs given. Next came the cake with as many candles that could fit per the bday boys request. I am not going to lie, I shed a tear when he first saw the cake I had made and the clapping and huge grin that followed. He instantly pointed to his Oregon hat and then to the football themed cake. He could see my vision. My heart was touched. I wish words could describe the amazing birthday party better but I am at loss for them. It's a reminder of the simple things once again! Below are a few pictures from the party.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
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